Adopting Liberian Kids

"When ya gonna get 'em?"

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 20:10:18 GMT

The most common question I am asked is, "When ya gonna get 'em?" Honestly, I have no idea. Can't even guess. I am copying below the latest from Angel Rutledge, who's the most 'in the know' of anyone I know...

At the moment there is a hold on new adoptions in Liberia. Specifically, the Ministry of Health and Social Services has said they will not investigate new cases until some policies for how adoptions are processed in Liberia are changed. There is a lot of speculation about what these changes might be and how long it might be before new adoptions are able to move forward again. There are also some questions about adoptions that have already made it past the investigation of the Ministry of Health but are not completed. Here is what I know from several sources who have been in Liberia over the past month and have met with the Consular at the Embassy and had limited access to the Ministry of Health.

Adoptions are proceeding in regards to going to court, getting passports, getting medicals, and getting visas at the US Embassy. Children are continuing to travel to the US by escort or after being picked up by adoptive families. I know of four families (adopting through ACFI) in the past month who have gotten their children’s visas and come home or will be in the next couple of days.
As far as a potential timeline for when new adoptions will be able to move through the Ministry of Health again, I have not heard any information from anyone who can give a definitive answer on this. I’ve heard answers that range from 2 weeks to up to 6 months.

I’ve even heard some people talk about the potential of adoptions shutting down completely in Liberia. I don’t believe adoptions will be shut down. The reasons people have talked about this possibility I think boil down to the following reasons:

UNICEF has been somewhat involved in the discussions surrounding the state of Liberian adoptions and UNICEF is openly anti-international adoptions. I don’t think UNICEF’s views on international adoptions are going to have a lot of weight on Liberian adoptions mainly because their view is the same as it always has been and they don’t suddenly have anymore influence in Liberia than they have previously.
The Deputy of the Ministry of Health has recently vocalized anti-adoption sentiments. While many of his concerns are valid, I think they will be addressed by some modifications in the adoption process, so hopefully he will change his position as the modifications are established. Also, he is not the ultimate person who makes the decision about whether or not adoptions in Liberia proceed, and most of the other people who have a say in this DO want to see the adoptions continue.

However, giving an opinion on how long it will take for decisions to be made and new adoptions to move forward again is impossible in my opinion. To understand Liberian time means understanding that estimating timeframes when dealing with anything in Liberia is fruitless. It’s like trying to nail God down for when He’s going to do something in your life. He’s not bound by our desire to know when something will happen.

Possible changes
Predicting these is almost as hard as predicting timeframes, but here are a couple I anticipate.

Escorting will probably be done away with. There will likely be a requirement that adoptive families spend some time in Liberia before bringing their children home. I don’t know if this will mean one or both parents have to travel or for how long. My best guess is that at least one parent will need to be in Liberia for at least 3 weeks.
There will be more in depth investigations of the children’s backgrounds and their orphan status.
There may be an additional fee that needs to be paid to the MoH for each adoption.

I hope this is helpful information to those of you who are following our journey. Is it frustrating for us to wait? Certainly. I hope to go to the airport tomorrow night to welcome the Bridges family home with their two boys, Solopino and Stewart. I know they will bring information to us from Sayfou and Matterline and that makes me feel like the process is moving along for us... even if it's at a snail's pace.

nuthin' to say...

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 14:57:04 GMT

Many people have asked me to update my blog, but unfortunately, I have no news to report! I do know that Sayfou and Matterline have received our packages and they want to be adopted by us. That's good news! There is a man named Bob Bridges from Charlotte who is in Liberia this past week picking up his boys from the Dixville orphanage. Dave spoke with him before he left and asked him to check on Matterline and perhaps take her to a clinic in Monrovia. It appears she probably has malaria. She has similar complaints that her sister, Angelyn, has... constant headaches, dizziness... all that come and go. I hope that Bob can bring us back letters and perhaps pictures of them. If so, I will post them as I receive them.

I just read a post from a Yahoo! group I've subscribed to and I am including it below:

I just got this news today. On Friday, Judy Elkins and Sherry from PLAN met with the Deputy Minister of Health regarding the status of adoptions in Liberia. He said that they will announce the changes in 2 weeks, but that they will be small. Praise God!

Love, Dawn
Helpmeet to Aaron
Joyful Mommy to 10
6 at home: Thomas (10), Naomi Ruth (9), Rebekah (7), Hannah (5), Miriam (3), Susanna (2), and Baby (due 10/08)
and 3 in Liberia, coming home March 11th!!!!: Stephen (10), Sarah (9), and Samuel (4)

So perhaps in two weeks, our dossier will enter the "pipe" in Liberia rather than sit on a stack of file folders somewhere!

Thank you for your interest in our family and for your prayers. We know God is up to something big.

Today, I spoke with Sayfou...

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 22:03:50 GMT

Today, President's Day, at 10:30 in the morning, I called the Dixville orphanage. Since Liberia is 5 hours ahead of East Coast time, I was hoping the children would be out of school. A woman answered the phone. "Hallooo?"

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hallooo?"

"Hello?" I repeated. "Is this the Dixville orphanage?"

"Yes," she answered, after a second's delay.

"May I speak with Sayfou and Matterline Toe?" I asked.

"Call back in ten minutes!" she boomed.

"Okay," and I hung up. I guess she didn't want me hanging on the phone while she went to get them. So I patiently waited for ten minutes... then twelve and thirteen, just to make sure.

I dialed the number again. "Hallooo?" the same woman answered.

"May I speak with Sayfou Toe?" I asked.

"Here's Matterline!" she said, and a second later I heard a small "Hello? Mom Angel? May I speak with my sister Angel?" and I tried to explain that I was not Mom Angel, but a friend of Mom Angel and I knew her sister Angel and we lived in the same town and went to the same church...

Silence. I think I used too many words. I was nervous. After a moment, a boy came on the phone. "Hello?"

"Sayfou?"

"Yes, Mom."

I took a deep breath. "My name is Mama Ellen. I am a friend of Mom Angel. But I am Mama Ellen and I want to adopt you and your sister Matterline."

"OK," he responded, but I didn't think he quite understood me.

"Did you get a package from me? With letters?"

"No," he said.

So he really had NO IDEA who I was! I started again, from scratch. "Sayfou, my name is Mama Ellen. Me and my husband Dave want to adopt you and Matterline. We live in Charlotte. We go to the same church as Dan and Angel Rutledge. We know your sister, Angel. Do you understand?"

"Yes," he said.

"We want to be your forever family, Sayfou. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand," he said, and I could hear him begin to cry. Of course that made me begin to cry.

"Sayfou, I love you. We are going to bring you home to America soon. Do you understand?"

Through tears, he said, "I love you, Mom."

"We know Matterline is sick."

"Yes."

"We are trying to get medicine to her. You do not have to worry about her. Your Dad Dave and I are going to take care of you. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Wait patiently for the packages from us, okay?"

"Pictures?" he asked.

"Yes, we have pictures of us and gifts in there for you and Matterline. Wait for them, okay?"

"Okay, Mom."

"I'll talk with you soon. I love you Sayfou. Bye."

"Bye." Click.

I hung up the phone and just sat in silence. He sounded so small, but he's carrying the weight of the world... his world, which is his two biological sisters and all his "brothers and sisters" in the orphanage. What else can I do for them now, but wait? I feel so helpless. Liberia's government has put adoptions on hold. Do the Dixville kids even know that? President Bush is supposedly making Liberia his last stop on his 5-nation Africa tour. Will the topic of adoption come up as he speaks with President Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf? She has visited Dixville, as has her son. Will she give verbal support for Americans continuing to adopt Liberian children? My prayer is this: Let it be so. God, You work in powerful and mysterious ways. Bring my children home, I humbly ask, in your Son's precious Name. Amen. Oh, and may they receive the packages from us via Cece Kofi soon.

Time keeps on tickin', tickin', tickin'... into the future...

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 21:28:59 GMT

Dave had a very productive meeting with Pastor Kofi on Tuesday, February 5th. Dave drove 45 minutes during his lunchtime to Lancaster, SC, stopping by Bojangles on the way and picking up lunch for the Kofi's, and he met with Pastor Kofi for about 30 minutes... enough to pray, eat lunch together, and share his proposal. (see below) Pastor Kofi was so excited. He said if there was ONE thing that Liberian kids needed, it was treatment for trauma. In all his years of ministry, no one had ever approached him about doing something in the trauma arena. In fact, Kofi said he could see this idea expanding beyond the orphanage and into all parts of Liberia!

Click here for a copy of Dave's Trauma Proposal: Trauma Services Proposal

On Wednesday, February 6th, Dave and I met at our church to have some forms notarized, the last step for our Liberian dossier. We walked into the notary's office and there sat our Missions Pastor, Tom Henry. He said, "I just had an anointed meeting with Pastor Kofi of ACFI." I said, "Really? You met with him this morning??" And Tom said, "Yes. And I think our church should rally around him and his ministries in Liberia. We should get a team together to go to Liberia and serve. Let's pray right now." and he hopped up from his chair, put his arms around me and Dave, and he began to pray: Father God, we just ask right now that You'd be with Pastor Kofi and ACFI. Please guide Dave and Ellen as they pursue these children from Liberia. Gather a team of folks together from our community with a heart for Africa. In Jesus name, amen." It was a holy moment. The hairs of my arms were standing up. All of a sudden, our little part of a story grew into a movement of the hand of God; what a cool thing to experience!

On Thursday, February 7th, Pastor Kofi left for Liberia.
On Friday, February 8th, our social worker called and said our Home Study was complete and in the mail.
On Saturday, February 9th, we received not only our home study in the mail, but I also got my passport. We are now thinking that I will go with Dave when he goes to Liberia. (FYI: I had just mailed my expedited passport application one week earlier.) That night, we had dinner over at the Rutledges' house. They had told Angel (who now wants to be called Angelyn) that we were going to adopt her brother and sister. So when I first saw Angelyn, she flew at me with arms open wide and gave me a huge hug. Here is a picture of us taken with her that night.

On Sunday, February 10th, I added our notarized home study to the other forms and put together a final dossier packet to be sent to the ACFI orphanage in Dixville. Dave had spoken with Cece Kofi, Pastor Kofi's wife, and asked her if she would hand-deliver our dossier when she traveled to Liberia on February 14th. So I put together a package each for Sayfou and for Matterline. I had been writing letters to them since December, so in each package I was able to place 8 letters from me, a prayer from Abbey, 3 lollipops, a Valentine's Day card, a leather bracelet that said "Be Strong" and a necklace for each.

Click on the link below to see what we sent Sayfou and Matterline as an introduction to our family.

Family Newsletter

On Tuesday, February 12th, Dave again drove to Lancaster to drop off the dossier and the two packages with Cece Kofi. He thanked her and prayed with her, then drove back to work.
On Thursday, February 14th, Cece Kofi flew to Liberia with our life-changing documents in her possession.

"You're Doing Whaaa--?"

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 10:14:00 GMT

Last week I told my headmaster that we were adopting two children from Africa. I quickly assured her that, even though I was adding to my family, I still loved my job and wanted to keep it! From that point, the news spread like wildfire on my campus. I told as many teachers as I could, hoping they would hear from me and not from the watercooler gossip. I noticed something interesting about their responses. They fell into one of two camps. First were the folks who were obviously excited for me and wanted to know all the details: "how did you hear about them?" "what are their names?" "when will you get them?" and the ever-popular "how much does it cost?" Then there's the other camp. I call this the "Cricket Camp" because when I sat down with a bunch of teachers at lunch and told them I was adopting two kids from Africa, all I could hear were crickets. Their faces must have instantly filled with Botox, because not one muscle moved. I could actually read the Thought Bubble over their heads: I-can't-act-as-shocked-as-I-feel-but-that's-the-craziest-thing-I've-ever-heard! Then a fake smile came over each face and they nodded their heads saying, "That's great." Then they quickly changed the subject! "How about those Patriots!"

I even had one teacher seem extremely happy for me, gushing as she backed out of my room and at the door, she stopped and said to me, "THANK YOU." Thank you? That's an odd response, don't you think? She meant, "thank you for adopting African children..." For some, my adoption makes them feel guilty, as if I am telling them THEY should be doing something to help the starving children in Africa. Then their obvious guilt makes me feel bad! Aaaarrrrgggghhhhhh!

I was explaining these reactions to our Small Group, three couples with whom we've met weekly for years. Christy, mom of 4 precious children, said that she knew exactly what I was talking about. When she announced her first two pregnancies, people were thrilled. When she announced her third, some people got the Botox Face and mumbled "congratulations"... but when she announced her fourth, she could tell those same people were thinking, "Are you crazy? FOUR KIDS!" So I guess some of the reactions I am getting could be due to the fact we are "adopting two more kids" essentially doubling our family in one fell swoop. (But I think they're more freaked out because the kids are African!)

Fingerprint Fun

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 09:53:51 GMT

On Tuesday, January 29 at 2:00, Dave and I had our fingerprinting appointment at the Application Support Center of the Citizenship and Immigration Service. Luckily we live in Charlotte, which is the only ASC for the whole state of North Carolina. So there were tons of people there! We entered this big room, showed the letter we'd received from CIS as well as our photo ID, then were told to wait in another line after filling out a form. There were rows and rows of chairs on either side of "the other line" and they were filled with people... families with small children, men in suits, women with interpreters... and they were all different nationalities. We quickly realized that not only were adoptive families here to be fingerprinted, but also immigrants from all walks of life! We saw folks from Eastern Europe, Mexico, Africa, and Central/South America. It was a trip (no pun intended)!

After we turned in our form from the second line, we were given a number and told to sit. Dave had "709" and they were calling out "671"!! So for the next hour, we people-watched. There was a TV on in the front of the room broadcasting a soap opera, babies were crying to be fed, husbands and wives were talking to each other, so the fingerprint techs had to yell to be heard. "680!" "681!" We counted five or six stations and it took 7-8 minutes per person. So even though they were moving at a pretty good clip, we didn't get called back until about 2:40. Whereas they used to press your fingertips onto an inkpad and make fingerprint cards (I saw some castoff ink rollers and dried up inkpads in the corner), now each station was a fingerprint computer. The gloved technician took my fingers, wiped each with a water-dampened paper towel, then pressed-and-rolled my fingertip onto a small glass window. It looked like the glass window barcode scanners you see at grocery stores. And viola! A scanned image of my fingertip appeared on the computer monitor. The computer would either say "Accept" or "Scan Again" depending on how good the image was. So, for each hand, they scanned all four fingers together, then the thumb, then each individual finger. It was fascinating. My tech said, "Good luck with your adoption!" and sent me on my way. I drove away at 3:00. What an interesting hour of my life!

Dave's Update 2

eldaver@carolina.rr.com (Dave) — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 10:06:18 GMT

There are times when God seems silent and then there are times when God seems to be speaking and moving in evident ways. For us, this is one of those times when God is clearly on the move. Friday night we had the privilege of talking with Edward and Cecelia Kofi, the pastor and his wife who oversee all the ACFI ministries which include the orphanage where Sayfou and Matterline are currently living. In fact, he was the man responsible for creating and building these places that work so hard to take care of children.

We sat in Mama Ruth's living room talking to Pastor Kofi and Cece, learning more about Liberian culture, the history of the country, the violent conflicts that have traumatized so many there, and God's heart for adoption. How did this happen? Because many years ago, Pastor Kofi ministered in Liberia with Allen and Ruth Finley, the parents of Melissa Myers, who is one of our very best friends. In a world with billions of people, separated by continents and oceans, we happened to be sitting just a few miles from our house here in Charlotte talking to the man who founded the same orphanage where Sayfou and Matterline live on the other side of the world.

One other cool thing happened during that conversation. Before we had even heard of Sayfou and Matterline, I had wanted to go to Africa as a psychologist. I had come close to going on a church trip to Ethiopia earlier in the year, but the trip came up too quickly for me to be ready to go in time. I told my pastor and others that I eventually wanted to find a way to go to Africa as a psychologist, much in the same way that physicians or dentists go on short-term medical missions. I thought my specialties with trauma might be something I could use in Africa. I brought this up with Pastor Kofi and he was very receptive to the idea; in fact, he wants to talk to me before he returns to Liberia about what this might look like. (We actually have a lunch appointment on Tuesday, February 5th.) My thoughts are still forming, but I would love to develop an ongoing plan to assess African children for post-traumatic stress and then equip workers and counselors there to understand and even treat it. I'll keep you posted on this, but it could be really exciting stuff.

The evening reminded me again that with God, big things (like the world) can become small and small things (like a conversation) can become big.

The Martians Have Landed

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 21:10:59 GMT

Helene Nathanson, our social worker, told my girls a great story... an analogy, really, about what it might feel like to be Liberian and adopted by Americans. I thought it was worth writing down. It not only helped my girls, but it gave me a perspective on what my Liberian kids will probably experience.

What if you were enjoying your life, living in your house, going to school, playing with your friends... when one day, this Martian ship shows up and these smiling Martians come to greet you. They are very nice, they speak English, they hug you and kiss you and give you presents... then they take you in their spaceship and fly you back to Mars. They are still very nice and loving to you, but you are on a strange planet, in a strange house with strange customs. You don't know anything at all about your surroundings, or how to act within this new 'family'. You would begin to miss your old home, wouldn't you? Even if Mars had lots more to offer than your old planet, you would still miss your friends, your school and your old life.

American life is as foreign to adopted Liberian children as Mars would be to you.

Home Study Done

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 21:13:41 GMT

On Monday, January 21st, our social worker came for our home visit. Since it was Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, both our girls had the day off from school. So when Ms. Nathanson arrived, the girls showed her around the house... Christy said, "This is Dad's office, but it will be Sayfou's room." "Christy and I are going to switch rooms and I get to sleep with Maddie, " said Abbey, smiling. Ms. Nathanson took some basic notes, like "open living room", "walls painted in a neutral color." Then she sat down on the couch with Christy and Abbey and I sat in a nearby chair.

She asked them good questions, like "What do you think about this upcoming adoption?" Abbey said, "I think it's a good thing to adopt Sayfou and Maddie. I want them to be my brother and sister."

"How do you think you'll be toward them?"
Christy: I'll be sisterly, just like I am with Abbey.

"What is 'sisterly'?"
Christy: You know, I'll look out for them and be nice to them.

My eyebrows raised, but I didn't say anything.

"These kids have different color skin. What have you thought about that?"
Christy: It doesn't matter.
Abbey: If we go into a restaurant and people are staring at us, we can just pretend we're famous.

"We all have ideas/fantasies about what life will be like when these kids come. What if it's not all great? Abbey, what if Maddie snores? Christy, what if Sayfou doesn't want to play with you but just wants to hang out by himself?"
Christy: I'll give him space until he's ready to play.

"What if he never gets ready?"
Christy: (silence)

Abbey: It's okay if Maddie snores.

"What if she takes your toys and wants to keep them for her own?"
Abbey: (silence)

So I think our social worker gave the girls some good things to think about. We talk every night as a family about all the different scenarios that could occur once these children come home. But Ms. Nathanson even expanded their vision. She was wonderful with the girls. When she left, Abbey gave her a hug. Then Abbey told me later, "She really liked my dimples. I want her to be my third grandma, because she's so nice."

The next day, Dave and I met at Nathanson Adoption Services' office to wrap up our portion of the home study. She asked very specific questions, like, "What do you know about child development?" Dave said, "Well, I've taught 'Child Development' at four universities." Her eyes got wide as she wrote this down. Then she asked about how we parented, had we discussed possible attachment issues, and what resources we used as parents. To that last question, I answered, "Well, there's this great book out there called 'Parenting the Millenial Generation' by a guy named Dave Verhaagen..." Her eyebrows shot up and she asked, "You wrote a book? On parenting?" She could not believe it. Then she said, "Can I just tell you? Your children are delicious... so well-spoken, well-mannered. You guys I'm kinda worried about," she said facetiously, "but your girls just might tip the scale in your favor!"

Bottom line: I think we passed the home study with flying colors!

Daughter Christy is 12 Today!

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 12:45:21 GMT

On Sunday, January 21, 1996, Dave and I had the rare privilege of being in the delivery room while another woman labored for our child. Jennifer, having just turned 18, had independently made an adoption plan with us four months previous. We had followed her pregnancy... um, expectantly! We got the call just after church that Jennifer had indeed gone into labor and was at the hospital with her mother. So we hopped in the car and drove uptown, knowing that our life was about to forever be changed. And sure enough, after helping Jennifer "PUSH! PUSH!", out popped a perfect baby girl with porcelain skin and rosebud lips. Even the nurses commented, "She's beautiful!" and through tears I said, "You HAVE to say that... you are delivery room nurses!!" to which they responded, "No. Sometimes we just say, 'It's a girl!'" Jennifer, an amazingly brave person, kissed her newly swaddled infant and then turned to me, held out the little bundle, and said, "Here's your daughter." Unbelievable.

Two days later, we exited the hospital: Jennifer with baby Christy on her lap, Jennifer's mom, and me. Dave was home with a gaggle of folks waiting to meet our daughter for the first time--grandparents, pastors, and neighbors. Mark Hoffman, a pastor at our church, had come to the hospital to help me. He showed me how to secure the baby in the carseat and the carseat in the car! Then we all caravanned to our house, with Donna and Jennifer following. Once we made introductions all around, we had an informal "releasing" ceremony. Our senior pastor, Jimmy Kallam, prayed for us all. Then Dave and I spoke to Jennifer, thanking her for her gift. Jennifer spoke to us, thanking us for inviting her into our lives. Then we took sleeping Christy up to her new crib. I laid her down and quietly walked away, leaving Jennifer alone with her child one last time. After a few minutes, Jennifer exited the nursery with tears streaming and symbolically closed the door behind her.

We have had an amazing journey with Jennifer, now a 30-year-old woman. We still get together with her and her mom on an annual basis, and now Christy is at the age where Jennifer can take her out to a restaurant to celebrate and spend time together, usually sometime around January 21st. Most people unfamiliar with open adoptions get a little freaked out when they hear this. But each time we interact with Jennifer, we each speak to the fact that the right decision was made twelve years ago.

Now you can see where Christy
gets her petite frame!

Notice the similar profiles!

Once when Christy was about five or six, I asked her if she knew who Jennifer was. She said, "Yep, she's my birthmom." Then she paused for a minute, looked me straight in the eye, and said, "But you're my REAL mom!"

Happy Birthday, my REAL daughter, Christina Leann Verhaagen!

Attachment Issues?

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:35:23 GMT

One of the main concerns for adopting older children is attachment issues. Dave has seen attachment disorders in his practice and it is a very tough issue to deal with, both as a parent and as a practitioner. But we've had to talk about it in light of Sayfou and Maddie's arrival. What if??? Put simply, an attachment problem is where the child does not have the ability to "attach" -- unable to either make connections with people or choose to care about others. It often occurs as a result of early neglect or abuse. Even though there's no way to predict an attachment problem, Dave has reviewed what we know of these kids' background and we don't think it will be an issue. First of all, these siblings (Sayfou, Matterline and Angel) had an intact family until Summer of 2005 when their dad died. We have seen video footage of birthmom and her interactions with her kids; they are very connected. On the video, a little baby was fussing and Matterline promptly jumped up to pick up the child and love on it. Also, the video camera (with Dan Rutledge operating it) caught Sayfou pointing at a family scrapbook and identifying the connections between the Rutledges (Angel's new family) and the pictures in the book. Dave says that if Sayfou had attachment issues, Sayfou really wouldn't care about those familial ties. Also, as I looked through hundreds of Dixville pictures taken by a missionary named Eliza in 2006, I found one that I am 99.8% sure has Sayfou in it. See below:

Sayfou is draped on the shoulders of a girl playing the guitar. I also saw video of him sitting beside a soon-to-be-adopted girl named Bendu who was standing, and he scooted over and gently pulled her onto the seat beside him so she wouldn't have to stand. His movements are sweet and gentle-seeming. I love the above picture! His manner is participatory and endearing. It is my hope that he soon drapes a hug on MY shoulders!!

So, no, we are not anticipating these children will have attachment problems. Plus we have the benefit of Dan and Angel Rutledge raising their sister here in Charlotte, so we can see the family character reflected in her. Are we still expecting these children might have special needs? Certainly. Most kids coming out of Liberia have some physical issues (malnutrition, ringworm, scabies, positive TB test), but honestly, I would rather deal with medical issues than attachment issues. Thankfully, we have a lot of information--more than most--about family history and background.

Homestudy

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:21:50 GMT

Dave and I had our first of two joint meetings with our social worker on Tuesday, Jan. 14. She liked us and seemed to even think we might be good parents! Yay! It was a very enjoyable meeting where we talked about our backgrounds and how we met, etc. I love being reminded of how much I love Dave and what a complement to each other we are...

On Monday, Helene Nathanson, of Nathanson Adoption Services will visit our home and "interview" our girls. They are stoked to be able to show her around and tell her how excited they are for their new brother and sister to come live with us. I am very much in "nesting" mode, so I've got Brian Tenny, The Project Guy, over repainting our downstairs bathroom. Last week he stripped the 'lovely' metallic gold-green wallpaper off the walls. He has done a lot of great work for us, so if you're in Charlotte and need someone to work on your "Honey-Do List", then please give him a call and tell him that I sent you!

We have our final meeting with Helene on Tuesday, January 22nd. After that she will write up her report and send it to the Department of Social Services in Raleigh for expedited processing. We already have our fingerprint appointment from USCIS and the Dept. of Homeland Security on Tuesday, January 29 at 2:00. Then we are just in "collecting" mode: waiting for our reference letters to come in from our friends and waiting for our medical clearance forms to come in from each of our doctors...

Once we have all these documents, our home study is officially done. We then need to gather forms for our Liberian dossier, which includes various Power-of-Attorney forms. The farther we go in this process, the more confirmed we are in our decision. Now, it's just a matter of time.

Dave's Update

eldaver@carolina.rr.com (Dave) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 22:16:17 GMT

Christy and Dad's Photo Booth

My brother wanted to know why we were planning to adopt a couple of Librarians....

First, let me say that I'm thrilled about this process and I sense God's hand at work in the whole thing. Ellen and I have really been on the same page with this since the beginning. What is most encouraging to me is that our girls are extremely excited about it. Both of them pray regularly for Sayfou and Matterline; they want them to join our family as soon as possible. Abbey especially can't wait to have a sister in her room. The whole room-sharing thing is a huge plus for Abbey who would have sleep-overs with Christy every night of the week now if we let her. Christy has also shown a real tenderness toward these kids. When we told them that the orphanage had been robbed of its food, Christy was genuinely moved by it and almost got teary-eyed.

We know there are challenges ahead. My work keeps me from being naive about all of this. Even though God's hand is evident, that doesn't mean that there will not be struggles, hardship, and disappointment. We anticipate that these kids may have some unique needs (academically, emotionally, behaviorally, physically, etc.) that will present some real challenges for them and our family.

Over the weekend, I finished up some of my tasks, like the financial forms, sending out the physician reports, and securing guardianship. My best buddy, Todd and his wife Denise had already agreed to be the guardians for Christy and Abbey years ago. I asked them this weekend if they would be able to do the same for Sayfou and Matterline. They hadn't heard about this yet, so Todd's first question was to ask if I was joking. When I told him it was for real, he was extremely supportive and happy for us. If Ellen and I get hit by a bus or a meteorite, then Dr. Todd and Denise will be raising 8 (count 'em) kids, including 5 (count 'em!) boys. As we say, good luck with all that.

We're moving ahead. The first meeting for the home study happens this Tuesday. We could be done with the whole thing in pretty short order. Then we wait...

Found Some Pictures

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 18:10:11 GMT

I am reading several blogs from families that are all adopting from the same orphanage, rather, "children's village" as we are. Oftentimes, they will have links to other blogs and photo albums from people who have visited Dixville. Below I will list some of those public photo albums, because upon viewing them, it gives you a better picture of what our kids' lives are like.

On January 8, 2008, Eric Zepp returned from Dixville with his two newly adopted daughters. While there, he took several pictures of Sayfou and Matterline. He also took a picture of Maddie's toe because it is hurt, but seems to be healing.

Matterline in a thoughtful pose
	Matterline Toe's toe!


Sayfou in front of a window with mosquito netting	Sayfou and his sister Matterline and others


"Let me look at the camera, Sayfou!"	"Finally, I got it!" says Matterline.

Then, on another photo set of a missionary woman named Joy, I found a picture taken of Sayfou that was soon after he arrived at Dixville, sometime during the fall of 2006. Here it is:

Evidently they are fascinated with duct tape! You can see they used it liberally to fix their beach ball!

Then, when Dan and Angel Rutledge went to pick up their daughter "little" Angel, they took the following pictures of Sayfou and his buds. A family at our church donated the soccer jerseys they are so proudly wearing!!!

It looks like Sayfou might have a handheld electronic game.

The very proud recipients of brand-new soccer jerseys! Note: Sayfou is the tallest one in the back.

Here are some links for you to view other pictures and/or read other blogs of folks connected to Dixville.

Zepp Family Photos--January 2008
LittleChild31817's Flickr Photos--Spring 2007
Finding Joy in Liberia: 2006

Zepp Family Blog
Seidler Family Blog
and of course, the Rutledge Family Blog

ENJOY!

My White Hair

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 18:36:56 GMT

I am a computer teacher in a private K-8 school in Charlotte. Yesterday a first-grade boy came into my classroom, but as everyone else logged onto their computer, he hung back. He looked confused. So I knelt down to his eye level and said, "Vaughn, what's up?" and he looked at my face and then glanced at the top of my head and then looked at my face again. I said, "You're still not used to my hair, are you?" because I let it go back to its natural white/gray over the summer. I gained freedom from hair dye!!! Vaughn kinda shook his head and stared at my hair. "Does it make me look old?" I asked him. He nodded his head and then that confused look passed over his face again. "But Mrs. V," he said, "you don't have old skin!" Well, that made me laugh! I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "That's the way God made me, huh?" and that seemed to satisfy him and he went to his seat and logged onto his computer.

That made me wonder with a little bit of fear... what will Sayfou and Matterline think of their white-headed mom? Will they be disappointed? Will they think they got gypped because their American mother is O-L-D?

Divvying Up the Details

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 22:38:51 GMT

Dave and I went over all our homestudy requirements tonight and split up the responsibilities: I'll be responsible for getting our three references, photocopying our daughters' birth certificates, asking our pediatrician for medical reports, and getting a criminal background check for me and Dave. We have our first meeting with our social worker on Tuesday, January 15th. Getting paperwork together and having meetings is all well and good, but I sure wish I was closer to giving these kids an all-encompassing hug!

When I walk outside and see the stars, I think, "Wow. My Liberian children are underneath these same stars." When I experience a clear, cold winter day, I wonder, "Have my kids ever experienced a truly cold day?" Sayfou and Maddie are never far from my waking thoughts... and I've only known about them for one month!!! How amazing!

We'll keep plowing through the paperwork... anything that will get us closer to seeing our new children!

Got Food?

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 20:44:24 GMT

Okay, it's one thing to hear about the "starving children in Africa." It's totally different to think that YOUR OWN CHILDREN are starving in Africa!! I got word yesterday that the Dixville orphanage ran out of food. Then Pastor Kofi and a man named Eric (who was there to pick up his adopted children) somehow "found" two weeks' worth of food... and then it was stolen by thieves two nights ago!! This is not the first time Daniel Hoover Children's Village-Dixville has run out of food, nor will it be the last. But it cuts to my heart to think that Sayfou and Maddie are hungry while I sit over here in America with a full belly!

Here is an update from Angel Rutledge, the mom who adopted Sayfou and Maddie's biological sister, also named Angel.

I just received word this evening that the ACFI orphanage where Angel and Henry lived {and Sayfou and Maddie now live} has run out of food. This is not the first time this has happened, in fact, it has happened multiple times over the past year. The founder of ACFI is in Liberia now and is trying to work something out to get more food, but the reality is, there just isn't enough money.

Since this summer, ACFI has had trouble providing funds for the orphanages (Dixville and The Deaf Home) from one month to the next. The main source of funding for the orphanages at this time comes from the monthly sponsorships of children. Depending on how many sponsors send in their donations each month, $6,000-$10,000 comes in each month. Beyond that, the only other money that is available to care for the children comes from individual or church donors and as adoptions are completed there is $3,000 built into each adoption fee that goes towards caring for the kids. Each month it costs $18,000 just to feed the children and pay the staff at both orphanages. So, as you can see, depending on how each month goes with donations, it is very easy to fall several thousands of dollars short in a month.

There are a few long term possibilities that may bring in more consistent support, but for now, it is a real struggle every single month to care for the children. My prayer is that some folks reading this would be able to send a donation (of any amount) now and would pray about supporting ACFI's ministry to the children on a monthly basis. Monthly support could be done through sponsoring children (http://www.acfinet.org/ has more info. about this). If you or anyone you know is interested in sending donations now, you can send support to the ACFI office in Lancaster, SC, and they will wire the funds to Liberia.

ACFI
P.O. Box 1238
303 North Main Street
Lancaster, SC 29721

Your donations will be tax deductible.

Please pray for the 400+ children that are living in these orphanages and their caretakers that God would be faithful to His promise in Deuteronomy 10:18 "He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing."

First Step: Done!

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 20:22:39 GMT

Yesterday, the last day of 2007, I ran around trying to complete the first and second concrete steps toward adopting Sayfou and Maddie. This is what I was able to accomplish:

The I-600A form: Completed! Mailed! This is the Advance Petition to Adopt Children Internationally. It goes to CIS, which is the old "INS." After they receive it, they will make an appointment to have all the people in our house fingerprinted. Then they will send us another form, the I-171H.
Home Study: Initiated! I met with our social worker, Helene Nathanson of Nathanson Adoption Services, and she gave me additional forms to have filled out: medical forms for all of us, reference letters, financial forms. She is great and is looking forward to working with us. She told me exactly what to write on my I-600A to get it expedited, since we have already identified our children. Dave and I will meet with her twice in her office and then she will come to our house to meet with the girls. Her notes from those meetings will comprise our home study. I pray we can find convenient times for all of us to connect in the next three weeks.
Dave and I met at lunch and got some of our forms notorized.
I went to Kinko's and made copies of our birth certificates and our marriage certificate.

It felt so good to get the I-600A form sealed, stamped, and dropped in the mailbox! It's just the first step, but it is DONE and the ball is rolling! We heard that the birthmom's marital status may have changed. She is a widow of two years, but remarried on December 30. Our hope and prayer is that she still wants to place Sayfou and Maddie for adoption. Even though she's married, we don't think that alters the fact that she doesn't have the means to care for these kids. We are glad, however, that it seems as if the marriage will assure that she is taken care of.

Once our Liberian dossier is complete and she has signed relinquishment papers, we will then identify ourselves to her and to her kids as the Verhaagen family that wants to adopt them! I am working on a family scrapbook that I will send to them so they can see us and read our story... and hopefully be assured that we are God's choice for their new family.

Boy, is our life about to change radically! I can hardly wait!!

Colorful Holidays

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 14:19:08 GMT

We just returned from spending the holidays in Norfolk, VA with Dave's family. Gifts flowed freely from grandparents to grandchildren; there were many smiles on little faces on Christmas morning! I couldn't help but sit and watch and imagine, "What will this look like next year? Will I have two more children waiting with anticipation to rip open the presents under the tree?" My heart says "Yes!" but my mind cannot 'see' what it will look like...

We did tell Dave's parents what our intentions were in adopting two older Liberian children. They were alternately enthusiastic and concerned. They were enthusiastic about having more grandchildren; they expressed concern over the fact these children are black. It was good for me to hear their concerns, because they aren't the first nor the last people who will have the same concerns.

For me and Dave, race is not an issue. At all. About a year after we adopted Christy, we had the opportunity to adopt a bi-racial baby boy. It was then that we discussed all the ramifications of raising a black baby in the South. We decided then that other people were responsible for their own feelings toward our child and that we might have to educate some folks about the "all people are created equal" section of the Declaration of Independence.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

As it turned out, that particular birthmom decided to keep her baby. The next baby we found out about was our little baby Abbey Mannon, who is fully Hispanic, and as we considered her adoption into our family, we again realized that race would not be a barrier nor would it be an issue. So, if you look at our family now, it is pretty obvious that Abbey is not connected to us biologically. But none of my family and friends even "see" that anymore. Strangers see it and often give us a second look, but her Hispanic-ness is a non-issue. People don't treat her any differently in our family because she is Hispanic.

Can I take this experience and apply it to Sayfou and Matterline? If strangers see our family walking in a mall, waiting at a restaurant, browsing a bookstore: two Caucasian parents, one Caucasian daughter, one Hispanic daughter, one African daughter and one African son... will they go out of their way to treat Sayfou and Matterline with contempt/rejection while treating the rest of my family decently? Maybe. But if that happens, I will fight like a mama bear for my African children to be treated with the dignity and respect they deserve as children of God!

Don't "ooh" and "aahhh" at us for adopting these kids. Do not say, "Dave and Ellen are such great people. They want to adopt two African kids. Isn't that special?" We didn't set out to adopt Liberian children for humanitarian reasons. We are not Brangelina Jolie. We want to place these two kids in our family because we feel a God-inspired parental love for them. Are all people going to understand it? Agree with it? Probably not. But this feels like God's path for us and no one else but us. Sayfou and Matterline had an intact family up until two years ago, when their father died of pneumonia. Birthmom tried to care for them for an entire year--all three of them {little Angel (7), Matterline (9), and Sayfou (12)}--but she could not do it. The poverty in Liberia is appalling. The jobless rate is 90%. She could not feed nor clothe them, so she relinquished them to the Daniel Hoover Children's Village. She had to sign more papers to relinquish her parental rights to little Angel when the Rutledges came in September. She will have to sign papers again, relinquishing her last two children, whenever we are able to make the trip to Monrovia, Liberia. Can you imagine? Talk about sacrifice! We know she wants them to have opportunity in America, but we also know that her heart will break in providing that opportunity.

We still have regular contact with both Christy's birthmom and Abbey's birthmom, so we are excited for the privilege of regular contact with Sayfou and Matterline's birthmom. What a great benefit for those two kids, too! They will know the love of two moms and be able to look up to a model of a great Dad in Dave. It seems like a win-win all the way around. We are going to expedite our homestudy and my passport application immediately. I will continue to write about the process and my feelings in it. Thank you for the opportunity to share our journey. Blessings to all... ellen.

Encouragement

ev@carolina.rr.com (Ellen) — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 18:16:55 GMT

I received a note from my aunt yesterday that directed me to this Scripture passage:
^{1Jn 3:16-18} This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Sayfou and his sister are believers in Jesus Christ. Now that I know they exist and they have an obvious need (a mom and a dad), the love of God in me wants to wrap my arms around these two and bring them in! This is how God works!

As a people, we had an obvious need: to be saved from our life of sin, our life of "going our own way." And God made provision and opened His arms wide. He sent His Son Jesus who laid down His life in order to bring us into relationship with God. Now God is asking our family to lay down our lives for these two children. Will it be tough? Sure. Could they have struggles that no amount of lovin' can fix? Possibly. But now that my heart is attuned to their lives, I cannot turn away. We have the material possessions to take care of them physically... I am trusting God to take care of them spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.

God is going to gain so much glory through this redemption story!! Hallelujah! What a Savior!