Attachment Issues?
One of the main concerns for adopting older children is attachment issues. Dave has seen attachment disorders in his practice and it is a very tough issue to deal with, both as a parent and as a practitioner. But we've had to talk about it in light of Sayfou and Maddie's arrival. What if??? Put simply, an attachment problem is where the child does not have the ability to "attach" — unable to either make connections with people or choose to care about others. It often occurs as a result of early neglect or abuse. Even though there's no way to predict an attachment problem, Dave has reviewed what we know of these kids' background and we don't think it will be an issue. First of all, these siblings (Sayfou, Matterline and Angel) had an intact family until Summer of 2005 when their dad died. We have seen video footage of birthmom and her interactions with her kids; they are very connected. On the video, a little baby was fussing and Matterline promptly jumped up to pick up the child and love on it. Also, the video camera (with Dan Rutledge operating it) caught Sayfou pointing at a family scrapbook and identifying the connections between the Rutledges (Angel's new family) and the pictures in the book. Dave says that if Sayfou had attachment issues, Sayfou really wouldn't care about those familial ties. Also, as I looked through hundreds of Dixville pictures taken by a missionary named Eliza in 2006, I found one that I am 99.8% sure has Sayfou in it. See below:
Sayfou is draped on the shoulders of a girl playing the guitar. I also saw video of him sitting beside a soon-to-be-adopted girl named Bendu who was standing, and he scooted over and gently pulled her onto the seat beside him so she wouldn't have to stand. His movements are sweet and gentle-seeming. I love the above picture! His manner is participatory and endearing. It is my hope that he soon drapes a hug on MY shoulders!!
So, no, we are not anticipating these children will have attachment problems. Plus we have the benefit of Dan and Angel Rutledge raising their sister here in Charlotte, so we can see the family character reflected in her. Are we still expecting these children might have special needs? Certainly. Most kids coming out of Liberia have some physical issues (malnutrition, ringworm, scabies, positive TB test), but honestly, I would rather deal with medical issues than attachment issues. Thankfully, we have a lot of information—more than most—about family history and background.
Sayfou is draped on the shoulders of a girl playing the guitar. I also saw video of him sitting beside a soon-to-be-adopted girl named Bendu who was standing, and he scooted over and gently pulled her onto the seat beside him so she wouldn't have to stand. His movements are sweet and gentle-seeming. I love the above picture! His manner is participatory and endearing. It is my hope that he soon drapes a hug on MY shoulders!!
So, no, we are not anticipating these children will have attachment problems. Plus we have the benefit of Dan and Angel Rutledge raising their sister here in Charlotte, so we can see the family character reflected in her. Are we still expecting these children might have special needs? Certainly. Most kids coming out of Liberia have some physical issues (malnutrition, ringworm, scabies, positive TB test), but honestly, I would rather deal with medical issues than attachment issues. Thankfully, we have a lot of information—more than most—about family history and background.
That picture is fantastic.....!! I can't imagine that that is not Sayfou - very cool!! Love, todd
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Ellen and Dave,
We are beyond thrilled that you are adding Sayfou and Maddie to your family. Tears of joy come so easily these days...
With so much JOY!
Rebecca
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