Colorful Holidays
Posted by Ellen at 12/27/2007 1:05 PM and is filed under uncategorized 
We just returned from spending the holidays in Norfolk, VA with Dave's family. Gifts flowed freely from grandparents to grandchildren; there were many smiles on little faces on Christmas morning! I couldn't help but sit and watch and imagine, "What will this look like next year? Will I have two more children waiting with anticipation to rip open the presents under the tree?" My heart says "Yes!" but my mind cannot 'see' what it will look like...
We did tell Dave's parents what our intentions were in adopting two older Liberian children. They were alternately enthusiastic and concerned. They were enthusiastic about having more grandchildren; they expressed concern over the fact these children are black. It was good for me to hear their concerns, because they aren't the first nor the last people who will have the same concerns.
For me and Dave, race is not an issue. At all. About a year after we adopted Christy, we had the opportunity to adopt a bi-racial baby boy. It was then that we discussed all the ramifications of raising a black baby in the South. We decided then that other people were responsible for their own feelings toward our child and that we might have to educate some folks about the "all people are created equal" section of the Declaration of Independence.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
As it turned out, that particular birthmom decided to keep her baby. The next baby we found out about was our little baby Abbey Mannon, who is fully Hispanic, and as we considered her adoption into our family, we again realized that race would not be a barrier nor would it be an issue. So, if you look at our family now, it is pretty obvious that Abbey is not connected to us biologically. But none of my family and friends even "see" that anymore. Strangers see it and often give us a second look, but her Hispanic-ness is a non-issue. People don't treat her any differently in our family because she is Hispanic.
Can I take this experience and apply it to Sayfou and Matterline? If strangers see our family walking in a mall, waiting at a restaurant, browsing a bookstore: two Caucasian parents, one Caucasian daughter, one Hispanic daughter, one African daughter and one African son... will they go out of their way to treat Sayfou and Matterline with contempt/rejection while treating the rest of my family decently? Maybe. But if that happens, I will fight like a mama bear for my African children to be treated with the dignity and respect they deserve as children of God!
Don't "ooh" and "aahhh" at us for adopting these kids. Do not say, "Dave and Ellen are such great people. They want to adopt two African kids. Isn't that special?" We didn't set out to adopt Liberian children for humanitarian reasons. We are not Brangelina Jolie. We want to place these two kids in our family because we feel a God-inspired parental love for them. Are all people going to understand it? Agree with it? Probably not. But this feels like God's path for us and no one else but us. Sayfou and Matterline had an intact family up until two years ago, when their father died of pneumonia. Birthmom tried to care for them for an entire year—all three of them {little Angel (7), Matterline (9), and Sayfou (12)}—but she could not do it. The poverty in Liberia is appalling. The jobless rate is 90%. She could not feed nor clothe them, so she relinquished them to the Daniel Hoover Children's Village. She had to sign more papers to relinquish her parental rights to little Angel when the Rutledges came in September. She will have to sign papers again, relinquishing her last two children, whenever we are able to make the trip to Monrovia, Liberia. Can you imagine? Talk about sacrifice! We know she wants them to have opportunity in America, but we also know that her heart will break in providing that opportunity.
We still have regular contact with both Christy's birthmom and Abbey's birthmom, so we are excited for the privilege of regular contact with Sayfou and Matterline's birthmom. What a great benefit for those two kids, too! They will know the love of two moms and be able to look up to a model of a great Dad in Dave. It seems like a win-win all the way around. We are going to expedite our homestudy and my passport application immediately. I will continue to write about the process and my feelings in it. Thank you for the opportunity to share our journey. Blessings to all... ellen.
We did tell Dave's parents what our intentions were in adopting two older Liberian children. They were alternately enthusiastic and concerned. They were enthusiastic about having more grandchildren; they expressed concern over the fact these children are black. It was good for me to hear their concerns, because they aren't the first nor the last people who will have the same concerns.
For me and Dave, race is not an issue. At all. About a year after we adopted Christy, we had the opportunity to adopt a bi-racial baby boy. It was then that we discussed all the ramifications of raising a black baby in the South. We decided then that other people were responsible for their own feelings toward our child and that we might have to educate some folks about the "all people are created equal" section of the Declaration of Independence.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
As it turned out, that particular birthmom decided to keep her baby. The next baby we found out about was our little baby Abbey Mannon, who is fully Hispanic, and as we considered her adoption into our family, we again realized that race would not be a barrier nor would it be an issue. So, if you look at our family now, it is pretty obvious that Abbey is not connected to us biologically. But none of my family and friends even "see" that anymore. Strangers see it and often give us a second look, but her Hispanic-ness is a non-issue. People don't treat her any differently in our family because she is Hispanic.
Can I take this experience and apply it to Sayfou and Matterline? If strangers see our family walking in a mall, waiting at a restaurant, browsing a bookstore: two Caucasian parents, one Caucasian daughter, one Hispanic daughter, one African daughter and one African son... will they go out of their way to treat Sayfou and Matterline with contempt/rejection while treating the rest of my family decently? Maybe. But if that happens, I will fight like a mama bear for my African children to be treated with the dignity and respect they deserve as children of God!
Don't "ooh" and "aahhh" at us for adopting these kids. Do not say, "Dave and Ellen are such great people. They want to adopt two African kids. Isn't that special?" We didn't set out to adopt Liberian children for humanitarian reasons. We are not Brangelina Jolie. We want to place these two kids in our family because we feel a God-inspired parental love for them. Are all people going to understand it? Agree with it? Probably not. But this feels like God's path for us and no one else but us. Sayfou and Matterline had an intact family up until two years ago, when their father died of pneumonia. Birthmom tried to care for them for an entire year—all three of them {little Angel (7), Matterline (9), and Sayfou (12)}—but she could not do it. The poverty in Liberia is appalling. The jobless rate is 90%. She could not feed nor clothe them, so she relinquished them to the Daniel Hoover Children's Village. She had to sign more papers to relinquish her parental rights to little Angel when the Rutledges came in September. She will have to sign papers again, relinquishing her last two children, whenever we are able to make the trip to Monrovia, Liberia. Can you imagine? Talk about sacrifice! We know she wants them to have opportunity in America, but we also know that her heart will break in providing that opportunity.
We still have regular contact with both Christy's birthmom and Abbey's birthmom, so we are excited for the privilege of regular contact with Sayfou and Matterline's birthmom. What a great benefit for those two kids, too! They will know the love of two moms and be able to look up to a model of a great Dad in Dave. It seems like a win-win all the way around. We are going to expedite our homestudy and my passport application immediately. I will continue to write about the process and my feelings in it. Thank you for the opportunity to share our journey. Blessings to all... ellen.
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